Life is truly sucking right now. Every turn I make it turns out to be crap. The program I signed up for rejected me because my results from an online interview wasn't to their liking. Now it seems the content of the test will be more than just the stuff I have been studying and I don't know if I can hack the math and science stuff on the test. I signed up for unemployment and that was an experience. I felt so slog like being there wondering why me? But then again I guess you can say why not me? What makes me so special that I would't end up there? I keep trying so hard to be positive but stuff keeps knocking me down and I just don't know if I want to get up anymore. I just keep on thinking about Nai and what would become of her. After this morning it seems her being with her dad may be best cause her attitude just gets funkier as she gets older. I know I am being selfish in my thinking but shoot, who thinks about me? If I didn't think about me who would? Everybody is so busy thinking only of themselves. Everybody has their own problems and issues.

I don't know where to turn right now. I don't know if I should take that test. I feel like I will be wasting time and money now. I want a career not just a job like I have been languishing in these past years. There aren't any easy answers though. We are going to move in 3 weeks and I can't get a job now and then be trying to take off to take care of stuff when we move. I'm think I should try and hold off until May and then apply for stuff seriously. Shoot ain't no guarantee I'm going to get on somewhere now anyway. I keep seeing this job for fiber tech these last 2 weeks and I know I should jump on it but the pay is only 13 bucks and the job may be in Plano which is on the other side of Dallas which means driving in traffic. Other than that, I'm just shooting blanks in the wind with no hope. I'm feeling really down right now.